Seeing Ourselves Clearly:

The Black Gaze as Survival, Resistance, and Creative Power

Hits, Money, and the Cost of Being Seen Through the Wrong Gaze

by Anna Adonu Reynolds

To be seen is never neutral. French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan argued that human behaviour is shaped by the awareness of being observed that we adjust ourselves according to who we believe is watching. When applied to power, race, and creativity, this idea becomes dangerous. Because the gaze does not simply witness it judges, ranks, and decides what is valuable. The gaze determines not only how we are seen, but who is allowed to define meaning, legitimacy, and success.

From this understanding emerge different gazes: the male gaze, the straight gaze, and most consequentially for Black creatives the white gaze.

W.E.B. Du Bois described this fracture in the early 1900s as double consciousness: the feeling of always looking at oneself through the eyes of a white society while trying to remain true to one’s inner life. Toni Morrison later named this more explicitly, especially in art and literature the assumption that the default observer is white, and that Black creators must translate themselves in order to be accepted. The white gaze does not simply observe.It disciplines.

It asks Black creatives to explain themselves, to soften themselves, to frame their work in ways that feel familiar, safe, and legible to a Eurocentric audience. It rewards pain when it is educational, culture when it is nostalgic, and Blackness when it is static.

Against this, the Black gaze emerges not as a fixed aesthetic, but as a shift in authorship, audience, and power. It is work created by Black people, for Black people, without explanation, apology, or translation. It assumes cultural intelligence. It assumes shared memory. It assumes the right to exist fully.

But the Black gaze is not only an artistic concept.It is a lived negotiation.And for me, it became a reckoning.

I started creating early.

By fifteen, I was already designing, writing, and making music not as a hobby, but as instinct. Creation was never a choice for me; it was survival. What I did not yet understand was that talent alone does not determine who breaks through.

The gaze does.

I grew up in the Netherlands and later tried to build my career in Germany environments where Blackness is often present, consumed, and admired, but rarely understood. And understanding is everything when it comes to work that is meant to hit.

When people talk about “hits,” they usually mean charts, numbers, streams, or money. But a hit is not just data.A hit is resonance.A hit is timing.A hit is culture recognising itself in the work.

And most importantly: a hit requires the right people to recognise it as such.

That is where the damage began for me.

As A Black Girls Growing Into A black woman then & now Most of my work was created from a Black or mixed gaze emotionally, sonically, visually. It was rooted in rhythm, texture, attitude, pain, humour, spirit, and evolution. But I was surrounded and closely working with white people who did not have the cultural intellect, curiosity, or respect to recognise what they were looking at.

These were not always cruel people.But they were deeply unequipped 6 Sometimes arrogant in their understanding of understanding Black culture when in fact they missed many layers and at times also simply didn’t care for those. it is hard and damn near imposable to work closely with such white people and not be internally frustrated even when kept silent I learned early to keep a lid and even justified black anger to accommodate white insecurity 6 lack of knowledge when faced with it.

They had no relationship to Black lifestyle. No understanding of why Afrobeat matters now. No ear for evolving Black sound. No eye for contemporary Black aesthetics. They loved safe Blackness, Blackness that lived safely in the past. They adored Aretha Franklin, but rejected Afrobeat. They celebrated Black history while dismissing Black futurity. And All this while other mocked me for profiting of proximity to whiteness when it was everything but 6 also costing me opportunities minorities can get freely with the correct understanding & dept.

To them, innovation from Black artists was “too much,” “too niche,” or “not universal.”

And that gaze , the white gaze, quietly kills hits. my Hits, black woman Hits.

Because when the people around you cannot recognise the potential of what you are making, they will never push it correctly. They will never market it correctly. They will never protect it correctly. And most damaging of all, they will never believe in it correctly.

Everything I created was filtered through their taste, their references, their comfort. My work was constantly softened, delayed, misunderstood, or framed incorrectly. Not because it lacked quality, but because it did not belong to their cultural nervous system.

What made this more painful is that many of these people came from money.

Their parents had money. They had safety nets. They could afford time, experimentation, and failure. I could not. When I finally understood that working with them was actively blocking my growth as they also formed an intentional shadow to my Devine alignment & protection all I faced then because of that was constant rejection and prolonged pain, but it always was that simple, their gaze was delaying my breakthrough, when ever i confronted them with that fact and ask them to not put their nose in my business publicly, it was not met with reflection.

I was met with accusation.

I was told I was “not loyal.”

But loyalty to mis recognition is not loyalty.It is self-erasure.

Even without money, I understood something crucial at that moment: the people around me were the reason my work wasn’t hitting the way it should. Not just because they were sabotaging me intentionally but because they were incapable of seeing what was already there.

The cruel irony is that many of these people still do not understand that their white gaze cost me years. Years of development. Years of momentum. Years of growth. Not always because they hated me but because they never truly saw me & sometimes also didn’t care to.

Money complicates all of this.

Yes, money matters. Money buys time, reach, visibility, and stability. But when you do not have money, community becomes currency. And I did not have the right community.

What made things worse is that some white people around me misrepresented my financial reality. They assumed or implied that I had more money than I did at the time 6 that openly 6 vigilantly to third parties to make themself look accomplished how this negatively effected free opportunities & community building for me, didn’t matter to them.

That lie was devastating. Because as a minority artist, there are opportunities you do not need money for opportunities specifically designed to create access. But those opportunities disappear the moment people believe you are already “taken care of.” even without ever approaching or asking you.

So I lost chances I did not even know I was losing.

This is why the Black gaze is not only cultural.It is economic.

Being seen correctly determines who invests in you, who advocates for you, who opens doors for you, and who connects you to the right rooms. When your work is meant for a Black or mixed gaze, it must be respected from that gaze. Once it is constantly filtered through people who see Blackness as lesser, outdated, or decorative, the work begins to suffocate.

Eventually, I realised I needed to detach not from my work, but from people who had tied themselves to my narrative without ever understanding it. I did not hate them. But their presence distorted my reflection.

And this is the final truth:

You cannot build hits in rooms that do not understand your sound.You cannot grow in communities that misname your value.And you cannot afford to be loyal to people who confuse access with alignment.

The Black gaze and the mixed gaze, is not about exclusion.It is about accuracy.It is about being seen in full resolution.

And when that happens, the work does not need to beg to hit.

It just does.

Turning Lived Experiences into Written Script“Why I Didn’t Get the Hits (And Why It Wasn’t My Fault)” By Anna Adonu Reynolds

[Opening – slow, grounded]

Let me say something that might make people uncomfortable.I didn’t fail because I wasn’t talented.I didn’t fail because I didn’t work hard enough.I didn’t fail because I didn’t understand “hits.”

I didn’t get the hitsbecause my work was judged through the wrong gaze.

And if you’re a Black artist, a Black designer, a Black creative you need to hear this, because this might save you years.

[Early years – age 15]

I’ve been creating since I was fifteen.Music. Writing. Design. Concepts. Vision.

I grew up in the Netherlands, then I tried to build my career in Germany.

And what a lot of people don’t understand is this:Europe does not just shape your career it shapes how your Blackness is tolerated.

Not embraced.Not understood.Tolerated.

[Introduce the idea of “hits”]

Let’s talk about hits.

Because hits are not just about sound.Hits are about who is allowed to decide what’s valuable.

A hit is not neutral.A hit is cultural permission.

And I was trying to create Black work for a Black gaze,or at least a Black-and-mixed gazewhile being surrounded by peoplewho only saw my work through a white gaze.

That’s where the damage began.

[White gaze vs Black gaze — explained clearly]

Let me explain this carefully, because nuance matters.

There are white people who care deeply about Black culture.They listen.They study.They understand context.They respect evolution — Afrobeat, new Black sounds, new Black language.

They don’t see Black work as “less than.”

And then there’s another group.

The kind that thinksRed Hot Chili Peppers is the pinnacle of music history,loves only old Black music like Aretha Franklin,but dismisses anything Black that’s modern, evolving, global.

They don’t hate Black people loudly.They just don’t value Black now.

And those were the people around me.

[Personal damage]

Everything I made was filtered through their discomfort.

Too much.Too emotional.Too different.Too Black — but never said out loud.

So my work was constantly reshaped, softened, explained, reduced.

And here’s the painful truth:

You cannot make hitswhen the people around youdon’t feel what you’re making.

They don’t have the swag.They don’t have the cultural instinct.They don’t have the lived reference.

So they misguide you.And they do it confidently.

[Money enters the conversation]

Now let’s talk about money, because money matters.

People love to pretend art is pure.It’s not.

Money buys:

• time

• protection

• access

• mistakes

• second chances

A lot of the people around mecame from families with more money than mine.

And when I finally realisedthat they were damaging my trajectory,I wasn’t called aware.

I was called disloyal.

[Key insight — this is powerful]

But listen to me closely:

When you don’t have money, your community becomes your capital.

And if your communitydoes not see you correctly,you will lose years.

Years I lostbecause my work was constantly misunderstoodby people who did not have the cultural toolsto guide a Black artist toward hits.

[The lie about money]

And here’s something people don’t talk about enough:

Some white people will lie or assume that you have more money than you do.

And that lie is dangerous.

Because opportunities that are meant to support minoritiesquietly disappear.

People think:“She’s fine.”“She’s doing well.”“She doesn’t need help.”

Meanwhile, you’re struggling silently.

That assumption robbed me of opportunities I didn’t need money for,only recognition and context.

[Why hits didn’t come]

So no I didn’t miss hits because I didn’t understand music.

I missed hits because:

• my work wasn’t evaluated through the Black gaze

• my collaborators didn’t understand Black success

• my community didn’t protect my vision

• my lack of money wasn’t met with collective support

That combination is lethal for an artist.

[Clarity and boundary]

And this is why I’ve had to remove my workfrom people who once tied themselves to me.

Not out of hate.Not out of bitterness.

But because respect matters.

My work is meant to be seenthrough the lens it was created in.

And if you can’t see it you cannot shape it.

[Message to younger creatives]

If you’re young and Blackand trying to build something:

Do not confuse proximity to whitenesswith proximity to success.

Do not let people who don’t understand your culturedecide whether your work has hit potential.

And if you don’t have money yet build community intentionally.

Because the wrong gazewill cost you more than no budget ever could.

[Closing — calm, resolved]

I’m not behind.I was obstructed.

And now that I see clearly,I protect my work,my gaze,my people,and my future hits.

Because hits don’t come from approval.They come from alignment.